2025-06-22: Gary Sheng & Kristian Michail - Personal Development & Spiritual Growth

Date: June 22, 2025
Location: [Phone/video conversation]
Participants: Gary Sheng, Kristian Michail
Duration: Extended conversation (1+ hours)
Context: Personal development coaching session covering sexuality, dating, and spiritual integration

Key Themes

1. Shadow Work and Sexual Integration

Kristian's Personal Journey:

"I went down the app fantasy, chased the fucking crazy sex thing, realized without judgment, I was like, okay, I'm not going to shame and judge myself. Like I allowed it. And then it just kind of got all resolved because I went deep into the shadow, saw the source of why it was there."

Processing Childhood Trauma:

"The first girl I was ever with when I was like 13... after a minute, I go to put my finger in her vagina... within like a split second, she just screams, are you trying to rape me? And I was like, what? And she just started screaming, are you trying to rape me?"

God's Healing Through Shadow:

"I feel when I went about myself to feel the shadow and not suppress it, it actually was God's way of saying, all right, my son, I'm going to show you this fantasy that you think that you really want. I'll let you play it out... I experienced complete emptiness, and I realized it was just a perfect faultless way of me going back to God anyway."

Men's Retreat Resolution:

"What I actually wanted was to move the energy out of my body, clear it, like physically. I got that through the men's circles and the men's weekend... All I've wanted is to get myself sorted. It's really hard to get sorted in the company of women."

2. Men's Work and Community Healing

Underground Men's Development:

"There was all this somatic work that I needed to feel out... They've been running it for 50 years. It's totally underground, like volunteer-based. And it's in the wild. Like, it's fucking hectic. Like, it's the rawest. If the public knew what happened on there, the public wouldn't be able to handle it because they wouldn't get the context."

Sacred Container for Vulnerability:

"But in the circle, it's like the most safe, protected, safe haven... I just really got for myself what I wanted was to get the energy out of my body in some form, whether that was through movement, expression, connecting with men, feeling it."

Gender Role Clarity:

"Like that's something I want to say for a sacred partner. And like there's a polarity game where to try and get my problems resolved with a woman in relationships actually not how it's meant to be. Like I need to go do my work with men so that I show up in a relationship and that polarity and sacredness, it's there and it's protected."

3. Divine Partnership and Relationship Standards

Marriage-Worthy Standard:

"I'm only truly wanting intimacy with someone that if I am going to have sex with them, that would worthy of being the mother of my children... if I was to accidentally have a child with this woman, like that's like the benchmark. Obviously marriage is where my heart's after."

Saying No to Misaligned Opportunities:

"In the past two weeks since doing that experience again, volunteering, the relationship with women thing has just been like, it's just been night and day. Like five girls have approached me with like propositions to like hang out and this, and I've said no to every single one for the first time in my life."

Sexual Sovereignty:

"What I'm at now with women is given clearing some of this energy and doing the men's circles, I'm really connected to my sovereignty. Like, I am responsible. I can choose. I don't have to give into the dogma and the shame cycles of all this externalised world."

4. Gary's Relationship Challenges and Insights

Current Dating Dilemma:

"Even just a couple days ago, I was like, I want a harem... I met this girl. She's like, she's pretty but she's not like a model. But she's the most like wise, spiritual person that is a potential romantic partner that I've ever met... she literally, within a week of meeting me, she was like, let's talk about our relationship, Gary."

Internal Conflict:

"My gut is telling me that I'll be able to find someone that is spiritually wise and really attractive... part of me is like, I want to fuck like random hoes. And on the other hand, she would totally be like, my wife material if I found her more attractive. Like sexually."

Trust in Divine Provision:

"Your advice is basically to trust God that he will put the right partner in front of me... that seems correct bro... God gives you what you would entrust him to give you right... if I believe that I am ready for that and deserve it and that those kinds of people in the world exist and that I trust him then I would not be surprised if more of those people come my way."

5. Manifestation and Self-Love Framework

Relationship as Mirror:

"The impulse to have sex with other women was a feedback mechanism for myself that I wasn't sexually inspired, although it was deeper than the sex. I wasn't ultimately wanting her totally... So then at first I wigged out about that... no matter how much you try to evolve her and love her, what will tend to happen, what I find is if you can increase the self-love, the self-worth."

Miscreations vs. Perfect Manifestations:

"I call it a miscreation like these things that we're frustrated about that aren't full whole perfect creations and God allows them so that we know okay it's like a it's like a cake in the oven like there's the perfect 10 out of 10 cake right and like I try and bake a cake and it comes out fucking half raw."

Mystery and Faith:

"If I don't find a woman sexually emotionally spiritually mysterious like magnetically mysterious then I'm also disconnected to God's mystery it's saying that I don't have faith that God will give me an exquisite match in a really kind of like naturally like yeah that's an amazing way."

6. Readiness and Divine Timing

Feeling Ready as Declaration:

"There's a meditation that alone like I am ready is very powerful if you close down your eyes and actually spend half an hour experiencing I am ready and going to every moment in your life where you were actually ready... The second I declare I am ready and feel it to be true God actually gives the thing over."

Authentic vs. Forced Readiness:

"It's not about even forcing I am ready and I am not ready it's about just being honouring what's there and if you genuinely feel ready to allow God to give you the most miraculous gift back to you... that's at the level that you think that's my standard I am worthy of that."

Heart-Based Manifestation:

"Where I'm really at is feeling ensured that she's coming. Like, and she's coming because I say no to every opportunity that's not her... it's more like a heart-based feeling experience of, like, when I go deep into a simulation these days and I'm feeling it in deep meditation, I'm just trying to get my heart connected to the feeling of the thing."

7. Spiritual Warfare and Personal Development

Processing Anger and Fear:

"When you get in the mat in a circle and I feel I feel anger that I haven't met someone that's spiritually and sexually magnetic. Like I felt that anger. Like what the fuck God? Why won't you give me someone that's both you know and allow myself to experience the anger and then I process the anger about that."

Emotion as Pathway to Truth:

"I was like what's the fear now? I fear that I'll never find someone that is both. Oh fuck. I have to go through the whole fear cycle of that. Process that fear. When was the first time I experienced a fear like that?"

Divine Creation Process:

"How do I come home to God so fully in trust that I can I as a sovereign and as a creator can actually bake the perfect cake versus the fucking half shitty fucking thing and try and paint over it and make it make it and never be actually satisfied."

8. God's Sense of Humor and Protective Mechanisms

Miscreations as Protection:

"God is funny because he allows miscreations and he's kind of unsatisfying manifestations that come to be as a protection mechanism to actually protect you to not get involved with him to the full extent to feel just enough heat to come back to him."

Divine Humor vs. Mockery:

"There are times where I'm like God is funny but he's like tormenting me like mocking me this was like an early stage in my relationship with God... I've come to realize that God is funny because he allows miscreations... as a protection mechanism."

Purpose of Frustration:

"What I was seeking was a connection with God so I could create perfectly and that's what I'm experiencing now in the creation cycle it's been a bigger part of my development of simulations actually it's like giving me some real space to create again."

Strategic Insights and Personal Growth

Shadow Integration Success

Kristian's journey demonstrated that engaging with sexual shadow through conscious exploration, rather than suppression, led to greater freedom and clarity about authentic desires. His experience suggests that God uses even seemingly "dark" impulses as pathways to deeper self-understanding and spiritual growth.

Men's Work as Foundation

The conversation emphasized that certain types of personal work are best done in same-gender contexts, particularly around sexuality, aggression, and emotional expression. This creates a foundation for healthier cross-gender relationships based on polarity rather than codependency.

Divine Partnership Philosophy

Both participants demonstrated sophisticated understanding of relationship dynamics as spiritual practice, where dissatisfaction often indicates incomplete self-love rather than partner inadequacy. This reframes dating challenges as opportunities for deeper spiritual development.

Practical Spirituality

The discussion integrated mystical concepts with practical application, showing how spiritual principles can guide concrete decisions about dating, sexuality, and personal standards without becoming abstract or disconnected from real-world concerns.

Coaching Methodology

Non-Directive Approach

Kristian consistently avoided giving direct advice, instead reflecting Gary's own insights back to him and asking clarifying questions. This empowered Gary's own wisdom while providing supportive framework for exploration.

Experience-Based Teaching

Rather than theoretical instruction, Kristian shared vulnerable personal experiences that modeled the principles he was conveying, making abstract concepts concrete and relatable.

Somatic Integration

The conversation emphasized body-based knowing and the importance of feeling states in manifestation and decision-making, moving beyond purely mental approaches to personal development.

Conclusion

This conversation revealed Kristian as a sophisticated spiritual mentor capable of integrating shadow work, masculine development, and divine partnership principles. His guidance provided Gary with practical frameworks for navigating relationship challenges while maintaining high spiritual standards and authentic self-expression.

The discussion demonstrated how personal development work, particularly around sexuality and relationships, can be approached as spiritual practice rather than self-improvement project, leading to greater alignment with divine purpose and authentic manifestation of desires.