What Makes a Man: Wisdom from Modern Cowboy Dewayne Noel
External content extracted: 2025-08-28
Source: Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman podcast interview
The Crisis Point: When a Heart Attack Became a Wake-Up Call
Dewayne Noel's transformation began not with the heart attack itself, but with his reaction to it:
"I think I'm having a heart attack. Good. I don't have to deal with this anymore... it's like I'm 50 years old and if I had 50 more years, I can't stand the thought of living the next 50 years in the condition I have been in the last 50 years."
The brutal self-assessment that followed reveals the depth of his despair:
"I didn't like me, my wife didn't like me, my kids didn't like me... I was in a real angry combative place... I'm letting life kill me."
The Radical Inventory: Cutting Out Poison
Noel's approach to change was systematic and uncompromising. He conducted what he calls "an inventory of what makes me mad" and then acted decisively:
"People. So, I cut 99% of the people that was in my life. I cut them out. It's like, you're not good for me. You got to go."
His criteria was simple but powerful:
"It wasn't a criteria these people are good for me. It's are these people bad for me. Do you make me mad? Do you infuriate me? Are you constantly cutting and insulting? Are you not encouraging?... basically it's poison. Do I want to drink the poison? I don't want to drink your poison anymore."
The Path to Self-Acceptance
One of the most profound insights concerns the relationship with oneself:
"I had to get to the point where I liked me... I'm with me all the time, right? And I'm doing things that I don't like... I can't make you stop doing what you're doing that irritates me, but I can make me stop doing what I'm doing that irritates me."
On loneliness and self-relationship:
"In my opinion, the biggest problem with people who are lonely is they don't like themselves... I spend most of my life by myself, right? I sit on my porch alone with a cigar and I'm happy. I'm perfectly at ease. I like me."
The Forgiveness Paradox
Noel addresses the critical issue of self-forgiveness with striking clarity:
"We can't do that with ourselves. Hey, dirt bag, that was shameful behavior. Yes, I know. I recognize it was shameful behavior. I accept that I am responsible for that shameful behavior and I am leaving that behind and I'm quitting that. But we can't turn around and say, 'You know what, man? You're only a human. I forgive you.' Why can't we do that with ourselves?"
His solution is both practical and liberating:
"I did that yesterday because that's who I was yesterday. But I didn't do that today because that's not who I am today... So I'm not going to destroy myself over the man that I used to be, but that I'm not today."
The Crisis of American Masculinity
Noel diagnoses the male crisis with historical perspective:
"We have two problems in this country with the male issue. Number one is we have a history of war... those fathers, young fathers who were not right out killed in battle come back and they bottle everything up... So, we have a cycle of broken dads who raised broken dads."
The second factor:
"Then we got feminism... what it has resulted in is a bunch of boys being raised by their mama... we have feminism and we have a historical non-stop culture of war in this country that has destroyed dads."
His conclusion is stark but hopeful:
"What makes a man? Easy answer is a man makes another man... We don't come out of the womb knowing how to be a good man. It's taught to us. We're raised in it."
The Trinity of Manhood
Noel presents a compelling framework for complete masculinity based on spiritual understanding:
"God is a trinity. There is God the father, God the son, and God the holy spirit. So when God made us in his image, he made us a trinity. We're a body, we're a soul, and we're a spirit. So if a man is not complete, if he doesn't have that faith, he's only two-thirds of a man."
He criticizes modern men's incomplete development:
"You have men who are all about going to the gym and working out, building muscles... That's one-third of a man... But they will not sit down and read poetry. They won't go to a museum and look at artwork... and they for sure will not read the Bible and go to church."
Meekness vs. Weakness
Using horse training as metaphor, Noel redefines strength:
"Meekness is not weakness. Meekness is having a sword, knowing how to use that sword, being willing to use that sword. But not using the sword... You can't be meek if you're not strong."
On training horses (and men):
"I don't want him to lose his speed. I don't want him to lose his agility, his athleticism. I don't want him to lose his strength. I don't want him to lose that instinct... But it just has to be controlled."
The Service Imperative
Noel identifies the core purpose of masculinity:
"God created man for one purpose and that's to serve... Men today are looking to be served. They're looking for a mother... their dating practice is all about what can I get... We are here to serve. We are here to provide. We are here to protect. We are here to teach. We are here to lead."
The Journey Principle
Perhaps his most practical wisdom concerns the pace of change:
"You don't look at the man you want to be in 20 years. You only have to fix one thing today... All you have to do is today be the best man that you can be today. Tomorrow will take care of itself."
Using his jungle hiking metaphor:
"I said, you know what? There ain't no mountaintop and there ain't no village and there ain't no destination. I just I'm gonna put my foot right there... I'm just going to take another step forward."
Letting Young Men Be Young
Noel challenges society's rush to mature young people:
"A 5-year-old boy's got no business being in school... A 26-year-old is still a kid... We got to let them be a kid. We got to let them mess up... One of the saddest things in the world is an old man that's 24 years old."
His warning about premature pressure:
"You take a young man that's 26 years old and you're like, 'You've got to invest in this, you've got to read all these books'... You'll burn them up inside. They'll lose their joy of life."
The Authentic Path
On his unexpected YouTube success:
"I literally had an LG cell phone and I would set it up on the porch and sit down and just talk about whatever's on my mind... if that's what I got to do to be successful, I don't want to be successful... this is me. Watch it or don't. I don't care."
Dewayne Noel represents a unique voice in contemporary masculinity discourse - a man who found his way from brokenness to wholeness through radical honesty, practical wisdom, and authentic living. His insights challenge both toxic masculinity and its opposite extreme, pointing toward a balanced manhood rooted in service, strength controlled by wisdom, and the courage to become genuinely oneself.